My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
