I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
