I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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