i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
