Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
