his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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