mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
