I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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