I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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