Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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