its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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