Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
