um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
