I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
