Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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