Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
