I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
