If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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