I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
