are you still at the devil's house?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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