Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
