I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
