i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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