Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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