Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
