dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
