It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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