Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
