You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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