i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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