This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
