so explain again why im purple
no
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
