Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
