While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
