I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
