Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
