I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
