yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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