i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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