ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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