how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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