Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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