saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
