She is in my trunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
