me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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