I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
