K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
