Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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