Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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