WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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