"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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