I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
