I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
