he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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