just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
