I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
