I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The beer is more important than you right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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