xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
