I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
