We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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