from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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