My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
