i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
