Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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