watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
