It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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