Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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