You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
