can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
