fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
