The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
