rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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