I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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